Currently Listening O By Damien Rice Cannonball see related

So...long time no write. Today. OH today. Today I love the donuts we had at Camarada officer's breakfast. They got me through two hours of class and then I had a brilliant idea to skip French. So I did. And I loved it, dangit.

I taught little kids in PE. I swear a seven year old hit on me.

"not needy enough" quote of the day, yeah, ask Kelly Knarr about that.

RUSH.

oh....Eric Smith. :)

Currently Listening Bullet By Mat Kearney In the Middle see related

So! Physically not feeling in tip top shape. Emotionally...well I'm attempting and that earns brownie points, right? Today I love hugs and the spare moments during the day when I don't feel like my stomach is trying to escape from the rest of my body. It kinda feels like I'm having contractions which is funny because I don't know what that really feels like and because I'm not pregnant, I swear I'm not pregnant! It's like...every few seconds sharp pains in my stomach and lungs. And then they go away. And then they return. And then...you know.

Today I don't like...the pains. The fact that I didn't do anything on my to do list. And when my parental units are just a bit edgy towards me. Boo.

I miss my best friend. And I just have to deal with that. I miss physical attention. I miss the days when I could go 24 hours without spending money. I miss classes that don't have homework. It's otay though. Mmmmk. I'm gonna pass out now.

Currently Listening Heaven By DJ Sammy Heaven see related

New York was perfect. Carrie was my soul mate and Jen is forever on the same page I am. I couldn't have asked for the trip to be better than it was. New Years was a new experience. I was very relaxed and called ALL my friends. And that's all we're going to say about that.

Back to school this week. Crazy as usual. CAB. Starting rehab on the ankle. Classes. Camarada. Praisefest. Relationships. Dance parties. You know.

I can say that I have loved. I can say that I have had my first. And I can say that it's sad and a little bit gloomy now but I don't regret. I can't even to pretend that I regret it. I don't at all. He's not ready. I'm not being mean. He is just not to that point where he can make a jump like that. It wasn't as simple as me or her. And therefore when I see her I cannot feel inferior or awkward. I am who I am. I did what I did. I don't regret it. And the outcome is not my fault. I've said what I can say. I've done what I can do. And it comes down to it's not my choice. The ball is forever in his court.

I can love from a distance. I can wait. I'm actually I pretty patient person contrary to popular belief. I can't promise I'll feel the same in a month, in a semester, in a year. But right now, I can let it be and know that I'm ok. It's not me.

Things I love today: my roomies and the craziness we did last night, Carrie and feeling good about Praisefest, the fact that hoodwinked tickets sold out (makes my job a lot easier), two certain someones who I saw on accident that made me smile, and chocolate milk. And the weather: windy but sunny, absolutely gorgeous.

Thing I don't like about today: seeing her, not being in New Jersey eating sushi with my sister and talking with British folk, getting a pit in my stomach when I know he's near, getting a blister from my new shoes, and the fact that I have homework already.

re-cap: chocolate milk and dance parties :)

            lack of British and pits in my stomach : (

"A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds." Proverbs 31:10

Currently Listening Super Saucy By Baby Bash Baby I'm Back see related

i felt like a crazy person today. ran around with kristen. ran home again. went to see tonya in the hospital. bought stuff. picked up stuff. dropped off stuff. where does all this stuff come from? i swear no one else has all this stuff.

sent renee a postcard from indiana. (she's from n.c.) oh and i showered today. aren't you proud? going home for good tonight. shopping with mom tomorrow with all the other crazy people in indianapolis. every f-ing song on the radio seems to apply to the relationship we don't like to call a relationship. so i end up just having to turn on the christian stations and i do really well with them until about the fourth song and i just start laughing cause i feel like such a nerd. and i go back to my cd's and then back to the radio and then back to 98.7 and back and forth. and it's exhausting. i just want to sing and not think about what i'm singing!!! aaaaahahAHAHh! (sigh).

saw david and ben for the first time in decades apparently and JASON GOOD (who will read this) hates me. i guess i'll have to start making up for that, won't I, Jase? I AM KIDDING! I love you...I did not deliberatly stop coming over. it just happened. forgive my mean, selfish, busy butt.

slept on the couch last night again, i swear, it's better than the bed! plus i didn't have to unmake my bed and make it again...hah.

what's gonna happen next? will my mind attack me again like it does every break? or will i conquer myself and be happy? and will person i told not to call me, call me? and will kel and uncle settle? will Dad and Jen need to purchase boxing gloves and duke it out? will Nick and Jessica break it off for good? (KIDDING) well atleast there's New York with Carrie and Jen, my two best friends, and chello, it's New York.

aaaaaaand that's it. i still like cussing. it's fun. but only around people that laugh when i do it. so i'll have to only do it around those special people and only do it so often or else the effect will wear off.

Currently Listening Carencro By Marc Broussard Rocksteady see related

here's my day: woke up around 10 on the couch, still in my jeans and dangly earrings. watched tv until about 11, ate some cereal. showered. sat in my towel and chatted online. packed up some stuff to take home, took it home, sat and talked with mom for about an hour, dove back. ran errands with the roomie kelly. watched the sweetest thing with kelly and kurt. ate junk food. went to kurt's, played a game (?). went to the weis, went to meijer and delux with robbbbb and tadd, bought some christmas presents. came home. put on my pj's and went to bed.

amy dancler brought over a bunch of pics and my christmas present...love her! she knows me well, gave me stuff i would give myself if it was cool to buy christmas presents for yourself. tomorrow...home for good and more errands.

he called like three times so i finally called back and said i couldn't talk to him for awhile. it was hard, but it's the truth. i'm hurt and i'm tired of him and i'm probably going to seem immature to some, but i don't care right now cause that's how i feel. and i might as well act as i feel. i'm tired of acting like i don't feel this way. i am mad. i am extremely dissapointed and i like cussing dangit. i don't hate him, but i don't know how else to put it: i just can't talk to him, can't see him. so i told him not to call, talk, etc. and in the saddest voice ever he just said "ok..." but i can't can't can't!

can't. won't. it's such a compliment to be "that" girl for someone but not you right now. timing sucks in my life but yet sometimes it seems so dead on it's scary. i'm just sad and in pain and this is how i'm going to deal with it until some better way presents itself. can't do it! this is why i need comfort food, kurt! cause it's all still here.

tired. but don't wanna sleep.